Part 1 - Fatty, fatty two-by-four: the decision for Lap-Band

C'mon, admit it. At one time or another, you've probably looked at some poor, fat slob walking down the street and thought, "Gosh, look at that poor fat slob..." yada yada yada blah blah blah. The general consensus seems to be that if a person is overweight they must lack self-control. To those people I say, "Walk a mile in my fat suit, bubba."

The truth of the matter is, it's so much easier to have myself sliced n' diced than it is to just "buckle down and lose weight, fatso!" Yuh, right. And the housing market is strong and holding steady. Hold on, gimme a sec...whoooooo hoo hoo hoo hooooooo *snort* Sorry, I just couldn't hold that back.

Frankly, for myself it's been a vicious circle. I gained some weight and started experiencing pain in both knees. Okay, so all I needed to do was lose that weight, right? Yeah, that's what I thought too. So, I started a vigorous walking program, the end result being that I was popping Aleve 'round the clock, trying to get a bit of relief from the throbbing pain. Dagnabbit. Next came the diagnosis of osteoarthritis and the doctor-lecture that someday I was going to need knee replacements, it was just a matter of holding out for as long as I could. In the meantime, I was to lose weight but avoid overloading my already overloaded knees. Great. There it was - the rock and the hard place. In order to lose that amount of weight I needed to be able to undertake an assertive walking program, but my knees were saying, "NOoOOoOoooOOOoo!!!! You've hurt us enough, dammit!" (What? Doesn't the odd body part ever talk to you?)

Okay, there it was. Miz Independent, Miz Idontneedanyfreakinhelp, Miz ImhappywithmyselfasIyam needed (yep, you got it) help. Dieting alone wasn't cuttin' the mustard. Over-the-counter weight loss meds didn't do a thing. Prescription medication? Zilch. Zip. Nada.

When I began researching the options for bariatric surgery, Lap-Band jumped out as the contender least invasive, with the quickest recovery period, and the most potential for long-term success. It became a no-brainer when I checked with my insurance company and found that LB was a covered procedure, of course within certain guidelines.